Everyone Says "I"

I called to myself from a long way away,
So strange and powerful my voice;
I sat in a room, repeating the same word
Over and over, till it lost all meaning;
I lay on my back and became the clouds
Drifting across the dazzle;
I hurt myself just to feel alive,
Coming home in pain and surprise;
I telephoned strangers just to hear their voices;
Traveled round the world
By walking round my room
Visiting every continent and city
Sailing every sea;
Stared for ages at a stain on the wall
Seeing in it wondrous visions;
I saw myself die a thousand times
In every way conceivable;
Slew everyone who annoyed me,
Slaughtered hordes with mad joy;
I rode the Underground for miles
Going nowhere in particular;
I waited at bus stops and on railway platforms
Contemplating the absurdity of all;
I invented a thousand lives for myself
And believed in them all, every detail;
I stared at strangers as I passed them in my car,
Wondering who, why and what they were;
I moved among crowds, feeling invisible,
Shocked when someone’s eyes met mine;
I scrutinized the odysseys of ants
Across the patio on a summer afternoon,
Trying to imagine their universe;
I watched the stellar dust floating
In a sunbeam, glinting as it whirled
And spiralled, dancing in the mind;
I started to believe in Father Christmas again,
And heard his flying reindeer’s bells
And listed all the toys I craved;
I stopped and examined a dead pigeon
In the street, its innards putrefying,
Maggoty and useless, a work of art;
I tried to still my mind and not think,
Cursing my weakness as the bedlam
Broke through and ravished me;
I lay in the bath, making islands
With my body, pondering the nature
Of humanity and soap;
I spoke to hear the shapes of sound,
Flattening against the void;
I picked up some smooth round pebbles
On a beach, and kept them for years,
Talismans, perhaps they brought me luck;
I bumped into someone I had not seen
For years, had never expected to see again,
Astonished, embarrassed, and wondering;
I went back to my childhood haunts,
So dreary, diminished and unworthy;
I scampered by the same beggar every day
And gave him nothing, shunning his eyes,
Threatened by that feeble whine;
I chuckled, giggled, sniggered, guffawed,
Laughed my bloody head off,
Watched it roll across the floor.